Took some time today to refresh this space. Not only was it long overdue, but I’m hoping it’s the new energy I need to get back to writing more. What do you think? Sitting in my drafts folder are posts to recap my trip to Europe, a few film recommendations I’d like to share, the local exploring I’ve been doing, and more.
I’m three months back in Chicago now, and already the last few years seem like some kind of dream. Not the kind you pine for and chase after – that’s what it all was as I lived it, it seems. Now, as I remember the different adventures and experiences, it’s more like the kind of dream you wake up from and wonder…did that actually happen?
I blinked and here I am, back in the place that shaped me.
Is it OK to say that I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that? Would you believe me if I said I am torn between being profoundly happy and feeling as though I’m missing something? Is it possible that the last three years – working at Sundance, traveling for a month in India, landing a job in Manhattan – will be relegated to a small chapter of a longer story that, afterwards, settles into a routine?
And if so, why is that prospect so…unnerving…to me?
In one of my sporadic recent posts (I haven’t been here since MAY!), I wrote about my effort to stay present in a chaotic schedule. It seems the chaos has quieted for the summer, with no travel planned until September. I’m comforted by this, and also admittedly confused. What do I do now?
I’m headed out for the holiday weekend to spend time with those dearest to me, a treat I do not take for granted. This time last year, I took myself to watch the fireworks over the Brooklyn Bridge alone. Cool to be there, to have that experience – no doubt. Less than cool to be on my own while family and friends celebrated hundreds of miles away.
And after this weekend…then what? I’ve filled these first few months with the business of unpacking, choosing furniture, finding my way around my neighborhood, my new job. That newness is wearing thin, and it would seem it’s time for me to decide what life looks like here.
Routine? Maybe. But a routine I will remember I can always define for myself. And more importantly, one I know can shake up anytime I need to.
